I’m not a naturally brave person.
I’m the kind of person that loves my cute, safe little habits and patterns that keep my life small and safe and neat in an easily understood little box.
But my soul is a wild woolly untamed beast that wants to fly through the night sky on a rainbow unicorn with sparkles shooting out its butt screaming YEEEEEEEEEEEEES! 🤣😅🙌🦄
I’m getting better at realising that no matter who we are, how fancy our titles or big our responsibilities, we are all just a cutesy little human, full of flaws and insecurities, doing our best to work out how to do this life thing. Messing it up like champions and stumbling and tripping our way along the rocky meandering road of living.
No one has this puppy all worked out. No one has nailed it.
And no one will get through with pure ease and grace.
It’ll be wobbly.
It’ll have hairy bits you can’t plan for.
And you’ll need to pick yourself up from multiple pains and disasters again and again and again and clamber your way back into some vague sense of capacity and peace and joy. 🤪😅😇🙌
Sometimes I feel like a total fraud that my ducks don’t look sexier, shinier and more ‘together’.
I yearn for this insta sexy vibe of solid capacity where I have never-ending faith in myself and punch out confident action on non-stop rotation.
But the truth is that I get scared of nearly everything. 🫢😅
Scared every time I shift locations.
Scared every time I need to find a new home. What will it be like? Will they like me here? 🐣💗🙏
And scared to birth myself and my magic into the world.
This is the Kahuna of my fears. 🫢😅
I grew up in a family where my woo-woo rainbow unicorn magical was not celebrated.
Any attempts I made to express my magical and creative sides were shut down like a Spanish Mateador.
I soon learnt that being the ‘real’ me was not really welcome in my family. Instead, what was required was a trimmed, tailored and polished acceptable version. One that didn’t include woo-woo magical shit like deep intuitive knowings about family members and random strangers. 😅😅🤣🤪🐣
And so this part of me, my most wondrous gifts of vibing with countless beings in magical realms was all my sneaky secret for years. And even though it’s been thirty years now since I’ve actively been back in the psychic hood, a li’l thread of that ‘hiding’ never left me. 💗🙌
And so, mostly, I’ve used my gifts in ‘secret’. One to one sessions, with very little presence online and clients coming word of mouth. A sneaky little underground presence where I got to do magical shit, but got to stay hidden and safe, to make sure no-one laughed or made fun of me. Because somewhere deep down, I’d been trained that it’s not safe to share your magic with the world. That people won’t love or accept you. That they’ll laugh at you and throw you out of the tribe.
So when the homeys upstairs started saying that I needed to teach people how to return to their magic, how to live form their souls, I conveniently ignored the shit out of them. Good for you I thought. If you want the world to be more magical and connected and present – that’s RAD – you go and do it and leave me alone to my cute safe little life that is definitely not thriving or shining, but is safe and controlled and understood.
Until, the messages went from nudge to scream to freight train over my head. 😅😅😅
An accident swiftly collapsed my mental health and client work in one clean swoop. Because apparently when you are suddenly faced with the uncertainty of a permanent disability and you are utterly distraught with fear, your business of holding space for people in their most vulnerable states will be torched from your inner terror demons who can no longer focus on clients since they are busy battling each other. 🤣🤣🤣
My business collapsed and so began the slow torching of piece after piece of my life as I knew it.
My clients. 🔥
My home base.🔥
Multiple friendships.🔥
Family relationships. 🔥
Thing after thing after thing. Gone gone gone. 😅😅😅🙌🤪
I sat there watching the private torching ceremony as piece after piece of my life went up in flames.
The agony ripped me raw.
I clambered like a ferret to hold onto something.
Until it became clear that the only thing that could remain with any certainty or sense of control, that I could truly count on, was me. 🥰🙏🐣
I had to learn to be able to hold myself.
Through every loss.
Every heart break.
Every goodbye.
Every hurt.
I had to be there for me in a way I’d never done.
I had to believe that I was worth holding even if no-one else did or could.
I had to be a stand for me no matter what the world said or did.
And what’s started to grow is a soft, deep, quiet loving presence within me.
A kind nanna style compassionate voice of care for my life and my being.
An inner voice that loves me so fiercely, she will lift mountains to the sky to protect me.
I’ve never known this kind of self-care or fierce protection for myself before.
I’ve never thought I was worth protecting the way I do now.
But now that I’ve been appointed Guaradian of my soul, in the absence of any other mofo left standing, I’m taking this job seriously. And I am, for the first time, learning to love myself like a true champion.
Not because I think I should or to look like an online self-love Queen.
But because I simply want to. Because I want to truly care for the precious li’l wobbly clunky human that is me. Choc-a-block full of mistakes and fears and faults and crazy bits. 😉
I’m loving her anyway, through all of it, like an absolute boss babe. 🏆😁
I never knew this kind of self-love before. 💗
I never knew that it could truly be a thing.
And that it had to be felt and created from the inside out, from a yearning to love and to be love, to return to love.
And so, it’s from this place that I’m finally starting to share my magic with the world.
To share who I am, the lens through which I view life and to start teaching people how to reconnect to their own magic. 🦄✨
I used to let my own insecurities stop me from sharing.
But now, I’d rather be a force for good, even if a bunch of people think I’m a nut job.
I’d rather share magic and teach magic, even if people don’t approve or agree.
I’d rather keep loving even if people want me to hate. 💗😁🦄✨
I’d rather open, even if people tell me to shut off my heart to the world. 🙌
I’d rather shine and bring hope, even if people say it’s hopeless. 🌟
And so here I am… taking my tiny step, launching intuition courses into the world.
My own little Hogwarts, Aaila Unicorn Trucker style. 🤣🤣
I don’t know what will happen.
I don’t know how it’ll all go.
But, I’m just so grateful to finally be stepping off my own little launch pad after a million tiny deaths and birthing myself anew into this beautiful world.
I can’t wait to teach people how to connect with their magic.
Because life is magical and if there’s one thing I have truly nailed – it’s connecting to MAGIC! 😁✨🦄
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